Computer programmer's shayri

Kal jab mile thhe....to dil mein hua ek sound. Aur aaj mile to kehte hain...your file not found!

*Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,woh repeat kar doonga...Tu naa mili to apni zindagictrl+alt+delete kar doonga...

Shayad mere pyar kotaste karna bhool gaye...Dil sey aisa cut kiya ke paste karna bhool gaye...

Laakhon honge nigaah meinkabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...Mere pyaar ke icon pekabhi to double-click karo...

Roz subha hum karte hain pyar se unhe good morning...Woh aise ghoor ke dekti hainjaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...

Aisa bhi nahin hai ke I don't like your face. Par dil ke storage mein No more disk space.

Ghar se jab tum nikalepehen ke reshmi gown. Jaane kitne dilon ka ho gaya Server down ..

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room,
So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To : My Loving Wife
Subject : I've Reached
Date : 16 May 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your
loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S It is damn hot down here !!

Why we love Children

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.'

Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.

'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'.

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'

'What?'

'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'

'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'

Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'

'WHAT?''I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'

'I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'

Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'

'WHAT!'

'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

3 . An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,

finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?

'The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says,

'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tuckingher son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with atremor in his voice,

'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:

'The big sissy.'

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon.

All the children were invited to come forward.

One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she satdown, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'

The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on microphone,

'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'

I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.'

'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'

7. A little boy was doing his maths homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.

Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....

'His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'

The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my maths homework, Mum.'

'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked.

'Yes,' he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in maths?'

The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.

'The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.

She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.

She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,

'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'

The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?'

One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:

'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.'

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.'

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'

She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'

10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?'

Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,

'If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'

Email Etiquettes

Business people send out some six trillion e-mail messages each year, according to US-based Ferris Research. That's probably not much of a surprise to most office workers today, who have seen e-mail usurp meetings and face-to-face conversations as a primary form of communication.

What may be less obvious, however, is just how important e-mail is to your reputation. "The potential for electronic disaster is huge if you are not careful to write messages that are clean and clear," says Nancy Flynn, a US-based communications specialist and author a book on e-mail etiquette.

It's no longer enough simply to avoid common e-mail blunders such as using all capital letters, failing to proofread your messages, or sending off a message in anger. "Careless e-mail messages," Flynn notes, "have resulted in lost productivity, financial losses...and even lawsuits."

Given the amount of e-mail that business people receive these days, it's no treat to see a lengthy e-mail message from a business associate. E-mail is used most effectively to communicate information that would be a waste of time to convey face to face.

If what you have to say to a business colleague would occupy more than two paragraphs in an e-mail message, a phone conversation or personal meeting makes more sense. Use e-mail to save time - not to waste it.

Brevity and manners are not mutually exclusive. While you may get points for writing e-mail messages that are succinct, you'll lose them just as quickly for coming across as rude or unpleasant. Words like "please" and "thank you" pay dividends that far exceed the effort you expend in writing them.

If you absolutely must say something unpleasant to a business colleague, do it in person or by phone. An unpleasant e-mail message hangs around and can be read over and over again.

Also, don't be afraid to use smileys judiciously to help you convey some pleasant emotion that would give your sentences the appropriate emotional tenor.

A well-placed electronic wink or smile just might make your recipient smile when reading your message.

Whom you "copy" on an e-mail message can say as much as your e-mail message itself. Everyone knows that, too, so don't copy someone on a message unless your primary recipient can easily understand why others are being sent a copy.

On a related note, never put people on the "cc" line in order to prod your primary recipient into taking your message more seriously.

If you write to someone, for instance, and have the person's boss on the "cc" line in order to say to the recipient, "you need to answer this e-mail message", you're making yourself look bad to everyone witnessing the behaviour - and you're unlikely to be able to count your recipient as an ally in the future.

Remember that most of the time you should air grievances in person, or on the telephone, not through e-mail.

If you're writing an e-mail message to a group of people and you would like a response from each of them, take the time to write to each of them individually rather than sending one message out to everyone at once.

You can still save time by copying the same text as the body of your message, but by e-mailing each person and placing a "Dear Claudia" or "Dear Juan" before the body of your message, your recipient will feel more compelled to answer than if he or she were just one of, say, ten people to whom the message was sent.

Remember that e-mail messages can get you into trouble - not just because of what you say but also because of how you say it. Be sensitive to language that could be construed as sexist, avoid jokes, as they could be taken the wrong way, avoid referencing sensitive subjects, such as religion or politics, be respectful, pleasant, and cooperative at all times.

In short, use your e-mail correspondence as an opportunity to make colleagues feel safe with you. If you do, you will quickly develop a good reputation and be seen as a team player. Greater productivity will ensue.

Funny Signs

Contirbuted by Juned Beg

Outside a Toilet
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD, FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Airbus to build seven story airliner

Contirbuted by Juned Beg

TOULOUSE, FRANCE -- With delivery of its first 555 passenger, double-deck commercial airliner expected to take place later this year, Airbus announced today that it has initiated preliminary studies for the design and manufacture a 2600 passenger airplane.

The aircraft on the drawing board will have ten decks-seven for passengers, three for cargo and baggage. A prototype of the new aircraft, based on the company's Super Transporter design, will be called the "Airbus A390."

The plane is targeted for international service of flights of over 9,000 nautical miles (about 16,600 kilometers). The A390 will be powered by six Rolls-Royce turbofan engines developing thrusts of over 340,000lb each.

According to a company spokesman, Jean-Claude Randele, "The break-even point for operating the airplane will be at a passenger load of about 1760 passengers."

Mr. Randele also noted, "Flights in 9,000 miles-plus range are expected to take 20 hours or longer so the A390 will include lots of amenities to help the passengers pass the time."
Among the features proposed for the future aircraft are six restaurants, three duty free shops, a lounge with a discothèque, two full sized movie theatres, a 14 lane bowling alley, a swimming pool with water slides, a wedding chapel, a fully functional medical clinic, and a 11,000 volume library.
Mr. Randele said that two major international carriers have already placed orders and that the new jets are scheduled to begin service in late summer of 2008.

New Office Environment

Contirbuted by Sujith Jathanna